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Pregnant ladies, you’ve been put on notice.
Wake up! For-the-love-of-God WAKE UP! *Insert vigorous shoulder-shaking here* Sorry for the outburst of violence pregnant ladies, but it’s for your own good. You see, apparently some of you first-time...
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Talking about miscarriage
When I think of my miscarriage 19 moths ago, I think of how lucky I was. Lucky isn’t necessarily the right word to use when you’re bleeding, disappointed and upset about “what was to be”, but it was...
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Would you love breastfeeding if it was like THIS?
Strapped in, hands-free? Check. Toast and tea? Yep. Toddler settled into three-course breakfast, complete with emergency fruits and beverages? Uh huh. Warm bottle, screaming baby, remote, tablet,...
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Naughty kids are always funnier when they’re not yours.
All right Parenting Karma, you got me. I’ve been a little too smug about my well-behaved children for a little too long; you were bound to find me and boot me in my smarmy arse sooner or later. I...
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Are you one of THESE parents? If so, give me a wide berth.
Photo credit: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/ Okay fellow parents, I’ve been looking the other way for a while now. I’ve watched as you’ve let your “charmingly boisterous” children roam around the...
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Are you guilty of mummyjacking?
Yes! There’s finally a correct term for a particularly annoying form of parenting douchebaggery that has been clogging our social media (and driving me bananas) for some time now… Mummyjacking or...
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Why I’ll never forgive myself for slut-shaming someone I love
Courtesy of http://www.marieclairvoyant.com/ *WARNING: This post deals with sexual assault/rape and may be upsetting to survivors of abuse* I try to live my life as a good person: a good wife; a good...
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Why it’s OK to have hairy legs (and other conversations you have with your...
“Mummy, you have hairy legs. Shave them!” My two-year-old says, pointing an accusatory finger at the offending stubbly limb. “What? They’re fine,” I reassure her. Truth be told they’re abominable. The...
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Ridiculously addictive hot, salty caramel nut popcorn recipe
If orgasms came in popcorn form, this is it people! I dare you to try it an resist more. This recipe came to me via a friend* and it is absolutely divine – and terribly bad for you. But considering...
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“Mummy’s vagina is NOT a bath toy!” and other bizarre things mothers of...
Sometimes it’s hard to find the funny side of motherhood (like when you’re using a toothpick to remove vomit chunks from your toddler’s car seat buckle). And then there are the days when you find...
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In defence of THAT post-baby sexy selfie…
Before I gave birth to first child I swore to myself that no matter what followed, I’d never lose myself. My me-ness. I’d spent 24 growing into a version of myself I was happy with. I was a wife, a...
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I will buy my girls whatever the f*** I want and I won’t feel like an...
Courtesy of http://www.insidethemagic.net So, in the latest edition of How-You’re-Going-to-Fuck-Up-Your-Kids Weekly it seems gender-neutral toys are all the rage. Thanks to that momentarily awesome...
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Naughty kids are always funnier when they’re not yours – PART TWO.
Meet Screamy McScreamScream the Devil Baby… It’s no secret my first child was an easy baby. As far as snotty, milk-guzzling, sleep-killers go, she was a breeze for the first 18 months. Even after that,...
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Happy New Year! I declare 2014 the year of not giving a f***
P!nk: it’s not giving a fuck at its finest. Photo courtesy of Pinterest. I don’t give a fuck! Like it? It’s my mantra for 2014. I no longer care about what people think of me. I’m sick of being a...
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So, I have this weird obsession…
Photo courtesy of http://www.mommyish.com Move over Miley Cyrus, your twerking and enthusiastic support of camel toe evening wear doesn’t quite cut it in the world of weird. You might think you’ve...
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So long stay-at-home suckers, cranky bitch mum is back at work!
I CAN’T WAIT to go back to work. This is not only a true statement of fact, but something I screeched at my children last week. Wait, wait, hold your applause and Mother of the Year nominations until...
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The sexist return-to-work comment I wasn’t expecting…
Um, the 1950s called and they want their sexist bullshit attitudes back, people. I dunno whether we’re going to file this one under “collective brain snap” or “well-intentioned idiocy” but you’ve got...
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Minnie Mouse Birthday Party
It’s birthday season in our household, and to kick things off for the year our little one had a Minnie Mouse 1st birthday party. Parties were always a big deal when I was a kid; we’d choose a theme and...
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Suffering from a bad case of beige vag? My New Pink Button is here to save...
Does your vagina look like a packed kebab? Does it share the same lifeless, beige hue as your nanna’s dusty curtains? Well, look no further! My New Pink Button (sold at Amazon.com) has just the...
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The Overshare: My vagina is great – thanks for asking!
For something that has lips, vaginas don’t say an awful much. They’re sort of like camels (without the spitting – or the funky stench). Pink camels…who occasionally suffer from alopecia. They don’t...
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