Suffering from a bad case of beige vag? My New Pink Button is here to save the day! And if that doesn’t do it, the reviews surely will.

Does your vagina look like a packed kebab? Does it share the same lifeless, beige hue as your nanna’s dusty curtains?

Well, look no further!

My New Pink Button (sold at Amazon.com) has just the solution. Reinvigorate your lacklustre labia with a dye! You have the choice of four colours: Ginger, Marilyn, Bettie or Audrey (because nothing says Hollywood glamour quite like an artificially coloured vag).

Thanks My New Pink Button – just when we thought we had our dodgy vadges all sorted (vagina mints, anyone?) you saved us from certain punani peril.

As reviewer David (Bermuda) put it:

Men are selfish creatures and we expect a woman to carry out a certain degree of maintenance in their vajajay region … So, if your nether regions are beginning to look like a badly packed kebab, I whole-heartedly recommend this product.

Thanks to MNPB reviewer rinrana stopped traumatising unsuspecting men with her “grey” vagina.

… thank you for releasing this product as it is in no way a vain, over-thought out notion that our vaginas should all be the same colour….. Just like Hitler would’ve wanted.

Despite MNPB’s best efforts, there are still some bland-vagina individuals intent on ruining the joy of sex with their dingy, moth-balled venus fly traps – like Jemimatrue:

I would never buy this product. Instead I like to get a sick thrill from skulking around in the shadows, tricking men into my beige vagina.

Not convinced? Read what other reviewers are saying about MNPB (even the undead are raving about it!):

By KRS: Just last week I thought my days as a labia model were numbered. All I can say is THANK YOU JESUS!!!

By Birdhouse: I bought this product as a special surprise for 10 year wedding anniversary. The pink did NOT stay on my button! My husband’s smile though is a lot rosier…

By Kyberia: As one of the recently dead, I have been deeply concerned about my slow labial transition from healthy pink to grey and even green. It made me feel unattractive and cost me a lot of my confidence in the bedroom.

But now, thanks to My New Pink Button, my healthy, living colour is restored and I can once again show my private parts to the living with pride! If only I was more interested in doing that than eating brains.

Edit: One of my “lips” has fallen off. You will know it if you see it because it’s bright pink. If found, please return it to me – I’ll be leaning against the fence around the nearest shopping mall moaning “Braaaaaaains”.

By justme: I used to glitter up my area to make my gynecologist’s work more enjoyable (face it, looking at hoohaws all day could be monotonous) I tried pin-wheels and a jack in the box (it scared her) Now I pinken it up to amuse her.
She mentioned that she likes zebras, could you make black and white hoohaw paint?

By IluvmyBubbie: I sent a case of it to my Bubbie and the gals at the assisted living home and they loved it! Although they would appreciate an applicator designed for the “gravity challenged” senior lady. But on a positive note, the pink really shows through the white and grey well.

By Frank Farrell: I should have looked up “labia” before purchasing this. My mom did not appreciate the gift, but my grandmother had a much better sense of humor about it.

By Harris Elleberg: First, does it work on other areas downtown, or is this really a ladies-only product? I’m not saying I need it repackaged in a “My New Balloon Knot” tin, I’m just curious if it works, chemically.

Second, what is the brightest color they make? Somehow, I suspect “Audry” is pretty refined. Classy. I’m looking more for something more along the lines of “Enraged Baboon” or “Fleet Week.”

Thanks in advance for any guidance.